


Lost Wingman

by mousapelli



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drunk Bokuto, Hangover, M/M, Morning After, it's more like 3am after actually, ridiculous names for dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:59:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousapelli/pseuds/mousapelli
Summary: Bokuto has lost something important which is usually attached firmly. Kuroo just wants to die of his hangover in peace and quiet.





	Lost Wingman

**Author's Note:**

> SASO Bonus Round prompt fill for the Fandom Playlist challenge, prompt: detachable penis (it's a song, really). 
> 
> I hope Bokuto and Kuroo's actual hookup story is at least this terrible.

"Bro," Bokuto is whispering urgently, making Kuroo groan as even that makes his head hurt, and Bokuto sounds like he's still pretty drunk. Scratch that, he's for sure drunk as shit, because the next thing he says is, "Bro, I can't find my dick."

"Your…what?" Kuroo asks stupidly. 

"My penis, man, my schlong!" Bokuto 'explains.' "My wingman! My little ace! My weapon of ass destruction!"

"Please stop," Kuroo begs. His head is starting to pound in earnest and he's going to have to get up and take something, while the thought of doing that makes his stomach roll. "Stop talking, stop moving, stop everything, oh god."

"This is an _emergency_ ," Bokuto hisses, starting to pat the covers around Kuroo. "I need that thing! I use it all the time! When I'm bored, when I can't sleep, when that hot news lady is on channel four…or sometimes cute weather dude…"

Kuroo squeezes his eyes shut and prays for death. "Where was the last place you remember having it?" He can't believe he's going along with this but it seems like the only way to make this stop. You can't really reason with a drunk Bokuto, you've just gotta ride the whirlwind. 

"Hmmm," Bokuto thinks almost as loudly as he's been panicking, flopping down against Kuroo's shoulder. "In the shower for sure. Then at the party, yeah, little dude was definitely in there when I was dancin', well, you know, not that little, just that the skinny jeans pack him in there kinda tight—"

"Focus," Kuroo groans. "But seriously those jeans make your ass look great."

"They do, right? Thanks, man. So gettin' down…uh…shit I had a lot of shots…wait some chick did a body shot off my pecs, and he was definitely down there then…nah, that's the last thing I remember."

"Shame, yeah," Kuroo says. "Two of you had a good run. In the morning we can amazon a nice strap on for you, get it any color you want."

"Noooo," Bokuto wails. Kuroo buries his face in his pillow. "I want my wingman back! Ugh, lemme grab my phone, I'll call…everyone…you see it over there?"

"No, nothing," Kuroo says into his pillow. 

"I had a minute it ago! I swear that thing walks off even more often than my dick does…wait it's over there."

Bokuto rolls off Kuroo, and both of them freeze as the distinct sensation of Bokuto slipping out of Kuroo makes Kuroo whine. It's not a neat separation. 

"Found him," Bokuto reports happily. "Oh, little bro, I'm so glad to see you! I thought I was gonna have to pee like a girl!"

"Stop petting your dick," Kuroo growls, "and go get me a wet towel, you _asshole_."


End file.
